The Negro Donkey Legend

The year was 1996. It was the end of summer, in New York City, and a young African-American actor returned from England after being Classically trained at Oxford University. He was now ready to take to the stage. He scoured the trades and the entire city for a theatre that would allow him to bless them with his magnanimous gifts. He exhausted all his energy in this search until finally, he came upon a prestigious theatre on Manhattan's Lower East Side that was looking for understudies for a world premiere of a famous playwright's play. " He was no one's understudy! ", he thought to himself, but eager to work, he figured he would go to the audition anyway and once they saw his jaw dropping talent they would be so moved they would find a part for him, of this he was sure. As he entered the audition he was pleased to find there weren't many others there. In fact, he was the only one. This for sure would give him an advantage. The director approach him and asked, "You here for the understudy audition?"

"Yes." He replied.

"Well, let me see your picture and resume?" the director commanded. He looked over the actor's resume with a discerning eye. The actor knew the director would be impressed with it when he saw that he had just returned from Oxford.

"Oxford, huh?" said the director.

"Yes," said the wide eyed neophyte.

"So you know Shakespeare huh?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," poking out his chest.

"So how is he doing?" and then he let out a big barreled laugh. "To be and not to be and all that. Well, I tell you what. You got the job" and he handed him his script and told him to return in an hour or so for rehearsal. In his excitement the young thespian forgot to ask what role he would be understudying. It didn't matter, he had his first job as a classically trained actor. He returned an hour later for rehearsal and listened to the other actors reading their parts. The moment they took a break he anxiously but discreetly asked the director which part he would be understudying so he could follow along. The director said, " Well, all of them but for now pay special attention to ND."

"Okay" he thought. "ND, I can do that." So as the rehearsal resumed he went back to his script and searched for the character of ND. He wondered how many lines he would have. As the other actors read the play he awaited for the mysterious character ND to speak. About 10 pages in, ND made his entrance. And after hearing each line he became more and more horrified. ND had plenty of lines, but none of them were words. They were sounds. Loud obnoxious horse-like sounds. He didn't understand. Why was this character named ND? Then as the script went on he finally got it. The character's name was "Negro Donkey". He was horrified to learn he was playing an ass! All the world's finest training for this? How could this be? This must be some sort of mistake. He would talk to the director immediately after rehearsal but the director would assure him that he need not worry. There would be many opportunities to understudy all the other roles. It would all turn out to be lies though. He would only Understudy the Negro Donkey. He even tried to take solace in the fact that he was just the understudy and he wouldn't have to perform, until he saw in his contract the rule that states all understudies must perform at least once.

He was traumatized and embarrassed. He would never live this down. His career would be over before it started. His friends would laugh and be ashamed to look him in the face after the show. He would not tell them. They simply couldn't see this horrible moment of humiliation. He hoped to keep the embarrassment to strangers only. Why must he be forced to be a jackass in front of perfect strangers? He kept telling himself it wasn't so bad, until he saw his costume…A full body length Donkey suit with spats and a top hat! This would be a night of catastrophic bafoonery! Once he put on the costume he thought that maybe he could sink into the costume, maybe he could use the donkey get-up to shield his shame and his identity and save him the future shame of being spotted about town and recognized for having played the Negro Donkey. He squirmed around in it hoping he could cover his face but it was impossible. Then he thought maybe no one would show up. He peaked out at the audience and saw that the house was full. DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! It was showtime. He waited for his cue and when the time came He strutted out in his full length furry donkey suit. The crowded house laughed, not gently but obnoxiously loud. Just the site of him was hilarious to the patrons, but when he spoke "hee haw, hee haw" they were besides themselves. No other sounds were heard over the audiences loud cackles. On and On it went until the show was over. The young actor was crushed and demoralized. As soon as it was over he ran from the stage and out of the theatre in humiliation, not even taking off his costume, never to be heard from again. People would share the tale of the Negro Donkey and laugh for years to come!. Until………………………………………

Almost 15 years later, when all had but forgotten the tale of ND. One night in a small theatre in Los Angeles in front of a small crowd who were disenchanted with the play that they had come to see and had almost fallen asleep, giving up on the play they had come to see, even the actor's had given up bored to death with their own show. Just when all fun and hope was lost, out of nowhere comes a dark figure from behind the curtains. Is it a man, a mule, some sort of a centaur? No one knew what it was, but they were all intrigued, all engaged, to this mythical creature galloping through the room to lift them out of their lethargy. Faintly, you could hear out of the mouth of a young girl who somehow must have heard the legend. "Negro Donkey!" as the crowd all gasps. Negro Donkey had arisen from the ashes, after all these years. Not only to resurrect his own story but to show the world that no story, no party, no moment was too big or too late to overcome. The crowds jaws gaped as they laughed and guffawed but this time they weren't laughing AT him, they were laughing WITH Negro Donkey.

Wait a minute, maybe they were never laughing at him at all? Maybe it was his own shame and insecurity that made him hear the laughter as echoes of shame? Maybe the secret of his resurrection was that he had finally learned to laugh at himself? Whatever it was, it had worked. No hee haws here the world wanted more of him. Women wanted him, men wanted to be him, children wanted were mesmerized by him! After all these years he had erased his shame and his fear and learn to love himself. Oh what a night! The night Negro Donkey returned. The people in the audience would all go on that night to tell the story of how this wondrous manimal made their night. Then all of a sudden the whole city was abuzz with talk of ND. Everyone wanted to know what ND was wearing, what ND was drinking, where was ND hanging out, who was ND with, and so forth. Everyone hoped that in their moment of despair, boredom, indifference, or irreverence that ND would show up and make it better. He had become a walking, or hoofing lesson in perseverance, "Anything or situation is beautiful, and anything that's not can be made beautiful, and if not just act like it is!" ND had become a silent prophet From that moment forward, ND would be the symbol of fun, debauchery, and indignatious reverence. At bars, parties, beaches, monuments, at the moment when you think it can't get any worse or any better, in comes ND taking you to new heights and stirring your imagination, and exacting revenge from all naysayers, nonbelievers, bullies, and just plain old assholes.

Now all of a sudden, there are citing of Negro Donkey all over the world. Does he really exist? More cryptic than the "Lochness Monster", Sexier than "Sasquatch", more manlier than the Unicorn, and more interesting than "The Most Interesting Man in the World". Have you seen ND? Tell us your story? Do you have pictures? This is the place for it!